Hey man, so you’re staring at the scale one morning thinking, “I literally ate nothing crazy yesterday—why am I up two pounds?!” Then you realize you haven’t pooped properly in like four days and suddenly it clicks. Wait… can constipation actually make you gain weight?
Yeah, it can. Not the fun permanent kind of gain, but the annoying, puffy, “what the hell” kind that makes your favorite jeans feel like a torture device. I’ve lived through this exact nonsense more times than I care to admit, so let’s just talk about it like normal people over chai or coffee. No fancy doctor voice, just real talk.
Okay but seriously—what even counts as constipation?
It’s not just “I didn’t go today.” It’s when you’re going less than three times a week, or when you finally do go it feels like you’re pushing out a brick. Hard, dry, takes forever, maybe some straining and cursing under your breath.
For me it usually happens after I travel, eat like crap for a few days, or just get super stressed and forget to drink water. Sound familiar?
The sneaky ways constipation adds fake pounds
- You’re literally carrying extra poop weight Yeah I said it. When stuff sits in your colon for days, that undigested food + waste + water your body pulled in to try to soften it… all of it weighs something. We’re talking 1–5 pounds easy, sometimes more if it’s been a rough week. I once dropped almost four pounds in 24 hours after things finally moved. Scale went “whoosh.” Felt like cheating.
- Bloating & gas make you look and feel five months pregnant Food ferments, gas builds, your stomach balloons. That trapped air and fluid? It registers on the scale. Not fat—just misery. Ever notice how your rings get tight and your face looks puffy too? Same mechanism.
- Your body starts hoarding water like it’s the apocalypse When you’re dehydrated from low water intake (classic constipation combo), your body panics and holds onto every drop it can. Cue swollen fingers, cankles, and higher numbers. I used to think I randomly retained water for no reason. Nope—just backed up and under-hydrated.
- Gut bacteria get cranky and your metabolism slows a tiny bit This one’s longer-term. When poop hangs around too long, the balance of good vs bad bacteria gets messed up. Some studies say that can make you absorb a few extra calories from the same food and mess with hunger hormones. Not huge on its own, but stack it over months? Yeah, it adds up.
Things I used to believe that are total BS
- “Laxatives = instant weight loss” → Nope. You lose water and poop, then bounce right back + feel worse. I did this dumb cycle in my 20s. Never again.
- “Only fat people get constipated” → Lies. Skinny marathon runners get it too if they live on protein shakes and no veggies.
- “If I’m gaining it must be fat” → Sometimes it’s just toilet backup wearing a disguise.
Stuff that actually gets me unstuck (and drops the fake weight)
I’m not gonna preach some perfect 30-day cleanse. Just the things I actually do when I’m in that “I hate everything including my large intestine” mood.
Water like it’s your job I aim for at least 3 liters now. I literally set phone reminders. Add lemon if plain water bores you. Game changer.
Fiber—but smart, not suicidal I used to slam Metamucil and then fart for three days straight. Now I build slow:
- Overnight oats with chia + berries
- Big handful of spinach or kale in whatever I’m eating
- One apple or pear a day (skin on)
- Handful of prunes when it’s really bad—they work stupid fast
Prunes are cheating (in a good way) Like 4–6 at night with water. Next morning usually happens without drama. I keep a bag in the fridge like they’re candy.
Walking after meals Even 10–15 minutes. Gets everything moving south. I swear by this after dinner especially.
Coffee still counts Black coffee is a mild laxative for a lot of people (me included). Don’t overdo it though or you’ll end up jittery and dehydrated.
Magnesium at night I take 300–400 mg magnesium citrate or glycinate before bed. Relaxes everything—including the intestines. Huge help if stress is part of the problem.
Probiotic yogurt or kefir Not every day, but a few times a week. Seems to keep the good bugs happy.
When you should stop messing around and see someone
If you’ve been stuck more than 2–3 weeks, there’s blood, crazy pain, losing weight without trying, or throwing up—go get checked. Could be thyroid, meds side effect, IBS, or something else annoying but fixable.
Most of the time though? It’s just lifestyle being a jerk.
Bottom line (pun 100% intended)
A lot of those random 1–4 pound jumps aren’t new fat—they’re just your body being a dramatic hoarder of poop, gas, and water. Fix the backup and the scale usually chills out pretty quick.
Next time the scale bullies you after a few slow days, don’t immediately hate yourself. Ask the real question first:
“When’s the last time I actually went #2?”
Nine times out of ten, that’s the answer hiding in plain sight.
Hit me in the comments if any of this sounds like your life right now. Misery loves company 😂
Stay hydrated, eat your damn veggies, and go poop in peace, friend.
